‘A narrative echoed in numerous households’: US families of addicted children relate to the Reiners – but worry about stigma.

When reports emerged that a prominent couple had been murdered and their son, Nick Reiner, was a possible suspect, it thrust substance use disorder back into the national conversation. However, parents grappling with a child’s substance use are concerned the discussion will center on an extremely uncommon act of homicide rather than the far more common dangers of the disease.

A Personal Connection

Ron Grover and his wife, Darlene, have been watching the developments. They were merely familiar with the Reiners by their work, yet they feel a connection: their own son also became addicted at 15 to opioids and later heroin, similar to Nick Reiner, and spent years cycling through rehab and the legal system. After a long and painful struggle, their son got sober in July 2010.

“It’s just devastating,” states Grover. “It rips your heart out, because that’s a family destroyed, just like so many other families we know whose sons or daughters didn’t survive the illness of addiction.”

Understanding the Epidemic

More than two-thirds of Americans report their lives have been impacted by addiction—whether through their own use, a relative’s addiction, housing instability from addiction, or an overdose leading to medical care or loss, according to 2023 data.

Approximately one in six Americans, or tens of millions of people, had a drug or alcohol addiction in 2024.

“This can happen to anybody, no matter how wealthy you are, no matter how poor you are, no matter how powerful you are,” emphasized Grover.

The Weight of Judgment

The Reiner story resonated deeply with Greg, who leads a family support group. “We talk a lot about how it’s a family disease,” Greg said. “It has a tremendous impact on others’ lives.”

However, he is concerned that the murders will make people “deeply suspicious of anybody who’s admitted to having an addiction, and think that they could become violent at any point in time. And that’s simply inaccurate,” Greg added.

These “are really important conversations to have, since addiction is so prevalent in the United States and the rates have consistently risen,” stated an academic researcher who studies addiction and criminal justice. She pointed to the significant stigma surrounding addiction and mental health in the U.S., including the “perception of someone being really a threat and the potential for causing violence.”

She also advised against jumping to conclusions about the alleged role of the son or his condition at the time, noting it is not known whether substance use or psychological distress were recent factors.

“I’m afraid that people are going to take their biased views of addiction and this condition, and create a narrative to try to make sense of what happened,” she said. “Because of his past, the first thing that everyone is talking about is his struggle.”

The Reality of Risk

While addiction can lead to erratic actions, and some substances may increase aggression, a brutal act like a double homicide is highly unusual.

“The vast majority of people with addiction or substance use disorder do not ever show anything even approaching to aggression. It’s a true anomaly,” the expert explained. “The statistical truth is a person is far more probable to hurt themselves than anyone else.”

The Constant Anxiety

Both Greg and Grover have lived with dread—not directed at their sons, but for them.

“I’m afraid he’s going to die at some point,” Greg said. “If he returns to using, it’s eventually going to kill him. That’s my biggest fear. And my other fear is just being cut off from him.” He described the painful decisions parents face, such as setting boundaries and sometimes making the “horribly painful” choice that an adult child cannot live at home.

“Our fear then was, every single night you went to sleep, that you could get that call or that knock on the door telling you that he was never coming home,” said Grover. Those fears are present “every single day, every day of the year, for a parent.”

He recounted the harrowing calls: from the hospital saying a son was not breathing; from jail, where a parent might rationalize behavior by thinking, “ ‘Well, at least he shoplifted to support his habit; at least he wasn’t burglarizing the neighbors’ houses.’”

The Loneliness of the Struggle

Parents often battle loneliness—wondering if the addiction stemmed from some mistake they made; bearing guilt for a child’s actions; and worrying about the stigma directed at both parent and child.

It is very difficult to understand a family’s ordeal without experiencing it personally, Greg noted. “With addiction, it can change on the spot. You could be content one day and miserable the next... It’s not uncommon for that to happen.”

Hope and Recovery

Data indicates about 75% of people with addiction are can become sober.

“Just as you can recover from any other type of disease, you can overcome this condition, too. You can heal and be productive,” said Grover. “If you work at it and you stumble, you get up and work at it some more.”

Today, his son is a married with children, holds a university education, and works as a skilled tradesperson. Grover reflected on his struggle to “fix” his son, realizing it could not be forced.

“I can push him into recovery if I want to, but if he doesn’t reach for my hand for help, it’s not going to succeed,” he said.

Yet, they always told him they loved him and had faith in him.

“I tell any parent or anybody else that’s supporting someone struggling with drugs: make sure your hand is always, always outstretched, because you never know when they’ll take it and accept help.”